Cheers, Beers, and Betweens

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In the above selfie, you’ll find a kid-adult hybrid drinking a beer for no reason other than to celebrate himself after taking a big step forward today. Today I had my first “real world” interview with a “real world” producer for a “real world” internship for a “real world” entertainment company. The better half of me is SO thrilled and SO excited to be making these big boy choices and doing my best to get myself into the the entertainment business, but the other half of me is still clinging to Berkeley and the days where I didn’t have to take myself so seriously.

The interview went splendidly enough. I answered every question the way I wanted to, answered them truthfully, thoroughly, and articulately, but the interviewer seemed pretty discouraged after discovering that I didn’t really have any experience in the industry (in my defense, the job was advertised as a “great opportunity for an entry-level position”, how much experience could they expect?). Thus, I walked away with mixed feelings. I felt both confident that I had done my best, and discouraged that maybe my best wasn’t enough.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot recently- what do you do when your best isn’t enough? How do you keep giving your best to situations that don’t want your best? The answer is a forked road. You can either:
a) Chose to keep applying yourself the way that you have been, confident that you are doing the right thing but everyone else is the problem. The right person hasn’t come along who can see what you have to offer in the right ways.

or b) Chose to make your best better. To improve yourself and the way you tackle certain situations. Everything might have been done right, but surely things could have been done differently as well. Those differences aren’t necessarily wrong- but there is always a different approach to any situation, and what might work for you might not work the same for someone else. Part of being successful is taking the right chances at the right moments. Being the best you can be in a certain moment depends largely upon what is best for another person- be it employer or boyfriend.

I’m somewhere in the middle of those two paths right now. In my experience both roads hold truth and I have found success by traveling down both of them. But where I am now asks me to kind of stand and watch and listen right now. I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing or how to best go about these interviews or my ex moving on and dating someone new because I feel so between everything. Between happy and sad, self-fulfilled and emptied out, excited and scared, enthusiastic and exhausted, patient but eager. There’s so much going on and all I can really say about that is that I’m taking it all one step at a time.

One of the most important things I’ve learned from my ex is to listen to where life takes me and trust that it is right where I need to be. This is hard for me. My insecurities, self doubt, and over-thinking always get in the way of life’s truths. I have spent so much of the past couple years working on trusting myself and feeling confident in who I am, the things I feel, and the choices I make, but I think my confidence has grown too inward. It’s great that I believe in myself now, but I need to start trusting in bigger and better things. I need to trust that God has a plan and that if I walk through life with faith and conviction in the goodness of the world around me, I will always find myself making progress. Life is too short to feel like we’re going backwards or staying stationary.

So, cheers to taking steps forward. Right now I’m not even sure it matters where I’m walking- as long as I keep trusting that where I walk I will end up in a better place than I was a step before. And if I trip or make any missteps along the way, I have all the love and support in the world to help me get up and back on the right track.

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Goodbye.

ImageI have now reached the point in the semester I have dreaded the most: saying goodbye to my a cappella group– my family, my friends. I joined DeCadence in the second half of my sophomore year and the journey with this team of talented and inspiring performers has given me so much since then. DeCadence gave me more than just an outlet, it gave me a group of unforgettable and irreplaceable friends. 

Looking back, I have so much to be proud of with this group: from winning the quarter finals at the ICCA quarterfinals last year, to arranging and choreographing one of our most popular and well-known pieces last semester, to actually being one of the leaders responsible for the group’s success this semester. I’ve grown with these people so much and it has been such an honor to give back to the group all that it’s given me. I will never forget the lessons I learned as a member and leader of this group. I walk away from DeCadence full of love and respect for everyone I’ve met in this enriching and inspiring community. Thank you to everyone I have worked with and performed with- you have all shaped me into the person I am today. Know that I am better because of you: a better friend, a better leader, and a better performer. These are things I pray I can continue sharing and developing with others on this new and exciting journey after graduation. 

It is time to say goodbye, now. Goodbye to so many opportunities and experiences I have taken full advantage of. Goodbye to the peers I have so much respect and trust for, to carry on the progress and excellence we’ve worked so hard to create the past few semesters. Goodbye to my friends who I love dearly- your love has held me, lifted me, and inspired me in   ways that words can’t begin to explain. Goodbye to a semester of hard work and accomplished goals. 

Goodbye, and from the bottom of my heart– thank you for everything.